By : Ferdimah D’costa

20th March 2021

“How are you?” is a question that we’ve been asked almost a thousand times over the courses of our lifetimes; a greeting, a checkup, a little insight into how someone feels, but rarely does the response it irks hold the reality of its true answer. Maybe it’s the fact that we’ve been asked the question so many times  that it undeniably lost its meaning, maybe it’s because the question is seen as more of more platonic courtesy  than rather an meaning-filled question, maybe condensing our emotions into a simple reply is much too hard when it’s so much more easier to merely respond with ‘I’m fine’. In my opinion, it’s rather because of our detachment from emotions than the meaning of a question. Emotions were something we could connect to each other with – allowing us to empathize with the situations of others – whereas now it has evolved to be a root for the discrimination of ones strength – showing emotion of any sort makes evident your lack of ‘stature’ to a given situation.

We’ve been prompted into being heartless, emotionless, unsympathetic robots; emotion is seen as wrong and feeling something is a sign of weakness and being too ‘emotional’ which in other words our world translates to ‘incompetent’. We’re called to handle what we go through, happy or sad, in our own spaces or else we’re made fun of, looked down upon, or called out for being ‘selfish’ for doing so. But these emotions are something so … mundane, real, something so so understandable; and yet they’ve turned into a point of frailty and embarrassment.

We all have emotions, in all their different aspects and ways of being expressed and represented. We all experience, we all feel, and we all go through several things each and every day to be able to know how each feels like. And yet we’re embarrassed to showcase them, be open to them, promote them, talk about them: to the point that we forget how to even feel anything at all.

It’s so easy sometimes to simply just put on a mask of a forged poker face, but we so often forget to ask ourselves ‘am I really okay?’, ‘ am I really happy?’, ‘am I really as ‘fine’ as I describe myself to be?’. The truth is, most of the time we truly aren’t, and that should be okay too, but its so hard for us to even bring ourselves to bring it up or admit it because truth be told, it’s scary – something that it shouldn’t be.

Why? Because countless of times have we as a society put down people for feeling the way they feel just because we underestimate how bad it can be and how much worse it can get, as well as how bad the people around us can have it. All of this has only caused to attribute for the toxicity that lies beyond our world and its ‘perfect’ façade; bare and plain to see in our dialogues, comments, and actions. Why do we shame people for their experiences and their feelings? Why do treasure facades rather than the truth behind someone’s reality? Why do we make people feel like emotions and feelings are anything but okay?

This needs to stop: emotions are as humane as we can get, they shouldn’t be turned down in the disastrous standard of losing strength or posture as a result. Emotions are human. Talk about them, enjoy them, feel them, and promote them. Keeping them locked up in this tight safe in our minds is only going to break us down and tear us up, doing this is bound to destroy us. So lets normalize this, let’s normalize emotions. How many times are we going to keep turning down our worries, our troubles, our happiness, and our joy for the sake of people’s comments and how it is taken? Mental health is much more important than this pseudo-strength.

Life always has a way of being an utter chaos more times than just a few, especially now when we’re prone to all the anxiety, loneliness, stress, fear, and lack of any motivation brought about by our isolation and all that’s changing in the world. We’re not okay, no matter how many times we convince ourselves that we are, and that’s okay; it’s okay not be okay.

So, how do you really feel?

Ciao – Ferdimah

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